


Do You Think You're Better Off Dead?

by TheColorAbi



Category: All Time Low, Panic At The Disco, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Abuse, Domestic Violence, M/M, Male Domestic Abuse, Male domestic violence, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 21:16:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheColorAbi/pseuds/TheColorAbi
Summary: Spencer was warned by everyone that Jack had a nasty temper but he didn't listen. Spencer never wanted the relationship to end the way it did; with a smashed vase, blood all over the dinning room and Jack being taken away in a body bag while he was taken away in handcuffs but he couldn't let Jack raise his fist again...





	Do You Think You're Better Off Dead?

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was first posted on Mibba "November 29th, 2009" under my username, The Color Abi.

I knew you had a temper when we first got together, your ex-girlfriend warned me of that, telling me I shouldn't be taking this big risk with you but that saying as proven to be true; love can make a person blind.

You always managed to control that nasty temper of yours, well, you did for the first couple of months of our once amazing relationship. You never raised your voice, never raised your fist, never even batted an eyelash in anger at me. You kept calm and just shrugged everything off, well, until that night I nearly burnt the house down trying to cook you a nice romantic dinner,  _your favourite pasta dish_...

"Glass of wine, babe?" I'd questioned, cracking open a bottle of Hock, your favourite wine. You had that smile that I'd fallen for on your face, your brunette bangs with that blonde streak covering your left eye. I'd poured us both a glass of the drink that I didn't like that much but drank because you drank it – I just loved to make you happy. I'd smiled into your eyes before leaning forward and attaching my lips to yours lightly before pulling away with a smirk, heading back out into the kitchen.

I'd continued to chop up tomatoes like I had been doing before I had decided that I needed your lips against mine and sighed lightly. Brendon, my band mate was right, I was not only becoming a house wife but also, I was becoming so dependent on your love and it was showing.

I'd quickly shoved the pre-chopped onion's into the frying pan, sighing dreamily with a smile on my lips. Loving you was something I was happy with at the time, loving you would be the best thing I could do with my life at that time after Ryan had left me not even four months previous. I now have this pang of regret about telling Ryan in front of you that I never wanted to see him again because I know he could have saved me, saved you...

I'd only been looking away from the pan of frying onion's for a second or two but when I had turned back after finishing chopping up the tomatoes, the small frying pan was alight and a girlish scream was escaping my lips. You came in the moment I had screamed, a look of horror on your face. I still don't know how you got the fire out but you did and it was only a couple of seconds after my screams were let out that you'd opened the kitchen window and thrown the burning pan out onto the back lawn.

I'd gulped as you turned back around, a fire burning in your eyes, "Are you fucking retarded Spencer? You could have fucking killed us!" And with those hurtful words, you had lashed out, your hand meeting my face in a slap that sent me flying back into the counter, the knife I had been using falling to the floor.

You left the room, left me standing all alone and confused. I had no idea why you'd suddenly raised your hand to me but I knew that somehow, that wouldn't be the last time.

 

I was right too, it wasn't even forty-eight hours after the first time you'd hit me that you did it again, and again, and again but this time, you left my lip bust open and had left me with a black eye.

Brendon hated you the moment he saw my face when I strolled into the recording studio the night after the second time you'd hit me. "Man up Spencer," Brendon would joke, a laugh in his voice but I was hiding behind my fake smiles, terrified that if you knew that Brendon even joking about me being the bigger man in the relationship that you would beat me to show me that you were the one in charge...

I became terrified of talking to Brendon about our relationship unlike when we'd first gotten together, when we were a new couple, I used to sit and gush to him how I thought you were the one, boy was I wrong. Brendon picked up on the fact I didn't like to talk about our relationship, he always asked but I'd just change the conversation. He always became very aware of how I'd make sure that I never out did your band's drummer, Rian when it came to drumming - I became terrified of everything to do with you.

 

It was like this for two years, three months, two weeks and a day. I was half the man I used to be and it was eating away at me, killing me slowly; I had to put an end to your abuse once and for all.

I had made dinner for the two of us that night, the pasta dish but this time, without a fire. I had set the table up and I even had a vase with flowers in the middle of the table – I was ready to break away from you.

You came in, a smile on your lips. We sat, we chatted, we ate and we drank a bottle and a half of wine between us, that Hock wine that I hated. I was ready to tell you I was leaving you but you wouldn't stop telling me how much you loved me – what bullshit that was.

"I need to tell you something." You had sat up straight at how serious my voice was before nodding; I think you knew what was coming. "I think we need to break-up – I can't cope with you anymore, Jack." I'd told you calm and quietly, knowing you were about to flip and I was right.

You pushed your chair away from the table, standing up before reaching out and grabbing my throat, forcing me to stand up. "We are  **not**  breaking up, Spencer; we are going to get married, tonight." That was the only reason why I hated living in Vegas; it was too easy to say you were getting married and have done so by the end of the night.

I shook my head, forcing your hands from around my throat, "No, we're breaking up now get the fuck out of  **my** house." It was my house, it was my house and you'd decided when we first got together to move into it because it was that or me move to wherever the hell your band was from which I was not prepared to do.

You went for me, knocking the plates from off the table onto the floor, them shattering into a million and one pieces against the hard-wood floor. I had dodged out of the way of your hands but I was up against the wall, frozen in fear. You were still terrifying me and I knew if I didn't do something now, you were going to kill me.

At that moment of realization, I'd reach forward and picked up the beautiful vase from off of the table before throwing it was hard as I could at the back of your head; it was a cliché move but as you fell to the floor, blood pouring from your head wound, I could see why people used it.

You were motionless, lying on that floor where shattered plates and a broken vase coated in blood decorated the scene. I couldn't help but admire the view for half an hour, maybe even an hour before I heard the front door open; "Spence, did you do it?"

"Yes..." Brendon must have followed my voice because the next thing I know, he was kneeling down besides Jack, trying to find a pulse but not succeeding in doing so. "He came at me, like he'd been doing for the past two years; it was self defence Brenny, I couldn't let him hurt me again – I man'd up like you told me to do."

_You should have seen the look of horror on his face..._

I watched them take you away in a body bag, I'd watched with a grin on my lips as Brendon squeezed my hand; that's the reason why they thought also, Brendon was more than just my friend, they thought Brendon was my secret lover.... He's not my lover, just a good friend who since I got out of jail, has been sleeping cuddled up beside me claiming he's scared they'll take me away again.

You're the reason why I'm rotting away in bed at Brendon's house after being in jail for three months, two weeks and two days. They eventually believed me it was self defence but not without splashing it out to the media that I had killed you out of jealousy, claiming I'd thought you had been having it off with Alex, the lead singer from your band.

I'm not strong like everyone thought I was but I'm going to get strong with the help of Brendon; I'm going to get the hell over you and I'm going to be a new me because, you're better off dead then here with me. I'm glad I got rid of you because I would have hated another man or another woman to have to go through what you put me through in those two years, five months, two weeks and a day we were together.

Don't worry though Jack, I don't plan on finding a new man or a new woman anytime soon; I still love you but again, don't worry because Jack, I plan on getting over you any way I can – I don't need you anymore, I just need my best friend and my music...  


End file.
